Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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