Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
