he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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