I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
