So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
