It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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