I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
