mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
