Plan B is the new Plan A
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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