She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
