I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
