I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
