i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
