So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
