Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The best revenge is premature balding
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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