I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
