Where is the hickey?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
