well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
