I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
