today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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