just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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