I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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