It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
