That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
