No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
