halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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