i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
