i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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