Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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