i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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