Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i dont even know how to be here
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
