Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
