2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
