so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
