there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
