can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
