Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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