He uses pillows to masturbate.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
