We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
