I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
