People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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