matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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