Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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