i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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