Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
