someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
