why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
