You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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