hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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