She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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