I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
