Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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