just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
